Friday, December 18, 2015

What's Love Got to Do With It? Predator Prey Dynamics

El Ojo de la Galaxia found on faxim.com


daughters, granddaughters ~ look within your self
love and be honest with yourself
receive what you need, and leave the rest

Sting ~ If you love sombody - Set them free 



Long ago, a man showed up at Ceremony and asked the Elder, why he would teach and mentor "that woman" saying that he knew she used to drink, and she is "damaged goods". The Elder replied:
"She is woman, she is lifegiver of the future generations, who better to teach than one who has been to hell, and beyond the realm of heaven."  

One of the safe places family and village need is in ceremony, because this is the space we have created for healing. Another place is within our hearts and minds. 
Yet over the years, and due to the impact and trauma from the boarding school era, that brought with it the ideologies of seeing and behaving through the worldview of the colonial patriarchal religious lens, more and more abuse was internalized by everyone in the earth village.

Men became aggressive, fearful, and both verbally and physically violent in and out of ceremony toward the women and children. As time went on, the women were not being supported by the men, and struggled to feed and care for their children. The women who went along with the violent control and dominance were given better clothes, more food, and "status" as long as they turned a blind eye to what was happening.

One year a woman left her Tipi to go to the community ceremonial camp kitchen to cook the village stew for dinner. She walked down the trail gathering twigs and branches for starting the cooking fire. It was a beautiful warm day. One of the men, saw her and followed slowly behind her. He wasn't thinking about helping her in the kitchen, nor had brought any food to contribute. The woman came to the kitchen, placed the fire starting twigs and branches next to fire pit and began to chop the wood rounds from the wood pile.

The man comes to the kitchen, she greeted him with a good afternoon greeting and the man began to berate her. Over and over he bullied and abused her, until she began to cry out for him to leave the kitchen, and reminded him that disrespect around the food, can make the whole village sick.
He didn't leave with out a last and final comment of disgust toward her.

The woman went to her bag and got her medicines to smudge and pray and sing throughout the kitchen, and then prepared and cooked the evening stew for the whole village. She was also mindful to add prayer and a bit of another medicine to the stew, for bringing protection, good health, and stamina to the people for both the coming days of work to ready for the ceremonial dance and the dance. After everyone had eaten, and the kitchen cleaned up, the woman went back to the Tipi where her Grandmother and other sisters were in good cheer.

She began to cry. Unci said, "what troubles you granddaughter? what has happened to bring pain to your heart?, please share what troubles you with me and your sisters."

The woman told Unci what had happened. They all prayed about what to do. 
Unci decided she would go to talk to the Chief and tell him that there is a predator in the village camp, and for the men to take care of the man appropriately.

The Chief told Unci that it was not his problem, rather it was the women side's problem and if they didn't like what happened, that they would just have to walk around camp in pairs to watch after each other. Unci went back to her tipi and told her daughters what the Chief had said, and then called the rest of the camp women to Unci's Tipi for council.

The women did do everything in pairs. Long ago, all tasks were learned in pairs and this was a good thing to remember why youngers were taught and learned in pairs. But this is another story about why youngers learn in pairs....

However, the women doing everything in pairs did not change the predator's behavior. 
The predator became more emboldened, and abused his brothers in ceremony, abused his wife, and others. This went on for a few years even after Unci had talked with the Chief about the predator's behavior and what happened to the woman during ceremonial days. Finally the woman decided to talk to her brothers about what had happened. 

Her brother, the Chief's right hand man, told her it was her problem. 
She went to another brother, a little further down the pecking order, and he said, "yes, i understand.  The predator has been abusive, arrogant and disrespectful to some of the men as well, sorry to hear about what happened. If he goes out after my woman and children or my sister, or if i see him do anything to you, i'll take care of him."

This gave little hope to the woman, because machismo does nothing but enrage a predator's thinking that the predator is justified in fighting might with might. 

 ... so, in hearing that the eldest of the grandfathers and the Chief were
meeting, she asks to have some time to visit with them. 
The woman gets word back, that the Tunkasila and Chief would be happy to have a visit.

The woman goes to visit the eldest Tunkasila and Chief. 
Respects are given and received, and the Chief asks what has brought her to them, to talk about.    She begins, 
Tunkasilas you have called me your relative, and your daughter. 
They said yes.
Tunkasilas, you have prayed and said Mitakuye Oyas'in.
They said yes.
Tunkasilas, if a man were to berate, and be verbally and-or physically violent to your grandmother would you do something about it?
They said yes.
Tunkasilas if a man were to berate, and be verbally and-or physically violent to your mother would you do something about it?
They said yes.
She went on like this asking the same question, for aunt, wife, sister, niece, daughter, son, grandaughter, grandson and finally for the unborn daughters and sons to come. 
Each time the Tunkasilas said yes, and they sat with prideful duty for they knew that it was good to protect the women who are the lifegivers and first teachers of the children.

The woman then reminded them of what had happened to her in ceremony and asked them if they would leave any of their women and children and grandchildren alone with the predator. 
The Tunkasilas both said no, they would not allow that man to be around their women, and definitely not leave him alone with their children and grandchildren.
The woman then said, if you call me your daughter and say we are all related, then how is she any different than the women and children in their families?
The Tunkasilas said that she was not any different.

She then said, that when every woman can walk anywhere in the world unafraid, and unharmed, there will be peace in the world. To have this peace in the world, the men need to change, remember and relearn what being a man means in relationship with women.

A few months later, the woman noticed that the predator was not in the village anymore. She went to her brother and asked her brother what happened to him. Her brother told her that the Tunkasilas finally called a council together about the predator within the hearts and minds of the village. They decided to send the man for healing council and training, and told him when he completed the four years of healing council and training, that he could come back to the village and live. 

To this day, one predator has still refused to go for four years, to the healing council and training. He lives in another village where he abuses another wife of that village. 

Another predator roams from village to village, in and out of relationships, wrecking havoc on "virgin" Prey.

Another predator who did go for the healing council and training, became a man in service to his village, and has many healthy daughters and sons, and a healthy happy relationship with his wife.

~ *~
Meanwhile ~ the women of this village have been shattered apart because they too have refused to go into healing training and council to heal from Abuse, Violence and War.
Many of the women did not, have not, or will not come back to being in circle, and learn in pairs. There are so many ways that keep a woman off balance. The predator within is as sneeky and slippery as the one outside lookin back at us. 

I find it interesting that physical battering, murder, and war is spoken of in terms of violence toward women... and verbal abuse is not thought of as Violence. ...The word "abuse" is like, softening the blows and cuts, and helps normalize verbal violence. Like being told, "oh this is just the way the world is "... who's world? Or "Just get over it" ~ over what? the "it" that hasn't stopped or been fully healed? 500yrs of abuse and violence may need a few generations to "just get over it". Getting "over it" will mean that women's behavior will need to heal and change.

Women have the Crab in the Bucket syndrome. As soon as a woman starts to stand up, her old friends attack in the form of her own wounds to drag her back into the bucket. If she makes it outta the cage ~ deep beautiful relationships replace the old dysfunctional ones.

Verbal "Abuse" is Verbal Violence,  it is about harming another mentally,  emotionally and spiritually ~ and is just as life threatening as physical violence. These wounds that do not show up as physical bruises and cuts, that someone can see with the physical eyes, rather they are seen as cuts to the spirit from the behaviors of the predator-prey dynamic. 
( prey or "victim")

Women have internalized the lies of the predator, that have been told to us over and over again, until we believed them. They teach this to their children, and those children bully and abuse other children. 

Women still invite predators into the village or have relationships or marriages with them which continues generational trauma, because they have been taught that love hurts. Being taught that Love hurts, means that people choose what is familiar, and have unhealthy boundaries.

Women compete and are jealous of each other, this was created by the breakdown of family and village. Women learned they had to compete to make sure their children were fed and cared for.

Women hide their wounds behind masks of sounding pretty and spiritual, we can learn the map, this does not necessarily mean we know the territory, or have navigation skills.

Women exhibit the behavior of battered women, that think that if they love the predator enough, the predator will change. There is often "benefits", tangible or perceived, in this Predator-prey dynamic.

A healthy person does not choose to harm others, love has nothing to do with the predator or the predator-prey relationship.

The predator is about control and domination. A flip side of the predator charisma, yes charismatic predators, is to be full grown and still be sucking on the mother's teets, demanding for her to cater to every need, yet nothing is enough enough enough...like a bottomless pit asking for the woman to do someone else's personal inner work. While this fills the woman need to feel needed, it leads to abuse because, no matter how or what you do, that person will hold you responsible for their happiness. She then looks for the knight in shining armor to protect her.

Family Predator Prey dynamics ~ We all need a sense of belonging, that who we are , our purpose has a place in our family, village, and cosmovision ~ When the Prey speaks up to reveal abuse in the family, most of the time, the family will ostracize, deny, and victim blame the Prey ~ other members of the family will not stand with the Prey, because they certainly do not want the "family" to be "destroyed"...they have reasons for depending on the family to fill some need, no matter how dysfunctional it is. 

The other members of the family go along with the perceived authority or right of might, of the Predator to abuse the prey, better the prey than us, better the prey being ostracized, withheld from, than us...eh? This is being complicit with the predator. The family afraid to loose the "love that hurts" because this hurt is what is providing what ever perks they get from it ~ maybe even keeping someone from being homeless, or provides the feeling that you are special in the eyes of the predator, and treated better, and well groomed. The predator grooms, both the prey and those that will be complicit in the acts of violence. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, therefore the violence doesn't exist, right?

"Not taking anything personal", is helpful, however, can be used by the predator when the predator "acts out" to diminish the impact their behavior has on another person. "oh, don't take my behavior personally" along with shallow "sorries". ~ Lets be clear here, Violence toward another IS personal ---and is not going to fully heal, until people get out of denial, and change the internalized mental-emotional-spiritual and behavioral predator-prey dynamics.  

Understand the Predator-prey dynamics.  Colonization is complete when it is so internalized, is taught unconsciously from one generation to the next, that the People oppress them selves ~ no need for the military, because the way the people self abuse, and abuse each other keeps them weak and sick.

Everyone on planet earth has PTSD. 
Bombs are dropped on other people in other countries ~ while the mental-emotional psycho-social bombs are being dropped, to get people to comply and go along with the violence of the predator-prey dynamic. Gaslighting and Gang banging is where one or more persons, media, etc.,  are assaulting you with a barrage of their resentments or issues, all at once, crazy making, and not allowing any response from you - some types of conglomerate media in many ways is about a one sided conversation, brainwashing ...it's like a machine gun, when it's happening. 

When male or female, country or no country, human or non-human communicates a healthy boundary, they do not have to justify to the predator  ~ WHY... so, ladies, when you gaslight and diminish, ostracize, name call, use put downs, publicly shame, bully the victim, ask for apologies from someone you, yes you, have harmed, because  the abuse that you deny has been called out... you have become the predator yourself and are participating in supporting the predator. The Predator is genderless, it is a psycho-social dynamic and relationship with whomever is the Prey. 

We are the only beings that ask us to qualify and quantify and Prove, WHY to stop the violence to us, them, animals, the water, earth, air and fire ... if we can no longer tell the difference of being respectful and disrespectful to All Life ~ we need a whole lotta more healing going on ~ If we can not See the cuts and wounds inflicted on others by the thought police and verbal violence ~ you ain't no "shaman" ~

Ignoring and Avoidance~ which is passive aggressive, comes from blind ignorance, or because no one else can do someone else's inner healing nor make someone choose the pathways to heal. We can show the pathway to water, but can't make the person choose to drink.

Women are intelligent, be responsible for your education. Women see right through, the false feminine of love light and clueless. 
With-holding or blocking energy flow is Passive Aggressive as well ~ is another form of control and dominance. This can be seen in family, work or collaborative efforts, where decisions needing to be made together can not move forward because members of the family or group, with- hold in a variety of ways - time, energy, participation, tangible actions. And the re-action is to feel frustrated about allowing yourself to be carrying to much of the load, for the group ~ thus, resentment. A lot of people walk away, a lot of goodness is left un realized because of the lack of cooperation skills and commitments to do, to get the party going.

We are in denial or actively participating in change through healing ourselves. 
Do No Harm, Respect all Life ~All Life is Sacred ~
This does not mean we have no discernment about what violence IS...verbal, physical, environmental, economic, greenwashing, etc....If we as women can not stand with Truth, if Violence is accepted right along with the new ager "no judgement - everything is good" crowd ....it's a free ticket to ride for the predator to continue to use and abuse women, children, men, families and Mother Earth. 

While we can provide opportunities for healing and change, 1/2 the process of healing is the response ability to show up, do the inner work, learn to Love ourselves, and Receive that which creation heals with. However lets get honest here, about "opening up and sharing about being abused" ~ be that violence from boarding school, domestic abuse, rape, murder, bullying, genocide...what ever....to find that, this information, this vulnerability, standing naked, allowing one's self to be heard and washed clean ~ is then used against you ~ this is one aspect of victim blaming.

For example, you're told "you're a slut, damaged goods",  for being raped.  Or within your talking circle or lodge, the Principle of "what happens in circle stays in circle", is broken. And let us not forget about the responses of "thank you for sharing", along with something like "you'll find the rainbow unicorn, in the silver lining of the cloud" - which to some may sound like grating nails on a black board, rather than, really feeling fully heard because the listening skills just aren't there, from the other people you are with. 

One of the hardest senses for a woman to recover is her sense of safety and trust with herself ~ this is the trigger that shames, blames and guilts, with the shoulda couldas on one of her most powerful senses ~ intuition.  Without healthy intuition, she is navigating the shadows of her dreaming. Without her inner safety and trust in her Knowing what is and is not healthy loving behavior, she cycles in her own perpetuation of the predator-prey dynamic. Trust that the Predator will behave accordingly, especially when it smells, walks, talks and thinks like a predator.

When women heal, they heal the past, and future generations in the present moment because women are Lifegivers. 
A woman will fully access the infinite potentiality of the dreaming with Creation, when she is healthy.

Women have been wounded by seeing and behaving through the colonial patriarchal matrix as much as men ~ the difference here is that from the colonial perspective of the Doctrines and Bulls, women are not fully human beings. So we have a large population of humans on the planet that actually don't know how this lie has been running rampant in the under pinnings of the unconscious minds and systems of government, education, economics, etc...and feeds the acceptability of inequality and violence toward women, children and each other in general.

When Love and Truth walk together they have a magic protection. 
Truth is not always "pretty".

There are many ways we, justify the abuse and violence of the predator-prey dynamic, by telling ourselves that we would not KNOW the difference between heaven, without hell ~ 
or that life would be boring if we did not have "lessons" to learn.

Heaven and Hell are only constructs, man made and meticulously developed by the language and systems of domination ( see Doctrines and Papal Bulls).
The only "lesson" about abuse, war, violence and harming each other and Mother Earth, is to heal and put on another movie ~ 
Isn't 5000 years of the Age of the Predator and it's re-runs enough?
Good and bad is a very 2 dimensional reality…
what else is possible, when there is no ideological war between heaven and hell?

A Woman who Knows and is healing the Predator-Prey dynamic is returning to her natural way of Being,  to the Wilding Nature of Who she IS ~

Love is Energy in motion (pulsing heart beat) with the consciousness ( aware intelligence) of the dreaming dreaming of creationing ~ electro magnetic multi-dimentional metamorphosing imagining of creationing ~

John Trudell- Out of the Cage
John Trudell - Power is in your Heartbeat
Tina Turner - What's Love got to do with it?

thank you for listening ~ feels good to get rid of this ~

Alis Itlatol

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