"Lead Balloons", " Eyes of an Eagle Dancer Boy " and
"Bouncing around with mom, dad, and the man who visited Black Mesa"
LEAD BALLOONS
There are words like lead balloons
the words that just don't come out in a way
that a particular audience can hear quite yet…
the lead balloons that still touch that place in me
of self-doubt, that can still the quiet and big voice
that wants to come out
that wants to know
one is not alone
on this journey home
every dis-ease that humanity created
comes from their out of balance relationship
with Mother Earth and the harmony
with the feminine-masculine
dance of Creationing
Sometimes I remember
to share that which has blessed
and healed my Spirit and the heart brokenness .
Sometimes I forget that broken
doesn't want to be heard or remembered or forgot
Sometimes forgot forgot to remember
and remember remembers to forgive
Is speaking of the suffering passing the trauma on?
I don't know, sometimes i feel that some things
just can't be sugar coated anymore.
I want to see our children live free…
Mother Earth has healthy boundaries,
her medicine is bigger than me
EYES OF AN EAGLE DANCER BOY
Seven years old my momma took me to Hopi
to visit some of our relatives in Arizona.
That day, the hot and dry rippled
the tourists blurred and faded,
like ghosts on the northern side
wanting wanting a snapshot outta time
my mom and i
were standing in the southern door
quietly a mom held open
her north east door like the morning star,
for her son to enter
the Plaza's heart.
The young Eagle boy dancer was a bit more than my size,
he walked to the center,
wings down at his side……
one beat drum…
and then the heartbeat rhythm
lifted his wings
his flight took me with him
between earth and sky,
we became inner twined
in that mystic where there is no time
when we came back
to touch the earth,
he stood so close
the thunders gathered
arm wings stretched out between
the unseen and seen
like a river inner connecting
the above and below,
one leg slightly bent toward me,
a respect and honor
our eyes embraced in a forever
love blossomed within us
never forgotten
his momma told my momma
that i was their daughter…
my mom freaked out….and I told her
am ok am Home momma
this is home momma
there are some things that remember will never forget
It took me 20 some years of Life's journey
and rites to get back to Hopi,
this is why i know what it means
when a woman and man's
"eyes are the windows to the soul"
and all of us
are Creationing's sons and daughters
~ A.M. 2014
"Bouncing around with mom, dad, and The man who came to Black Mesa"
cup the starlight you are made of gently
my great grandmother lived in the 1800's
when the vatican's conquistadores
beheaded anyone suspected
or were, "mixed blood"
and deemed unpure
They also killed indios for practicing
their culture
and traditional healing arts.
The Healing gift is what ended life
for my great grandmother
leaving 9 children
only three daughters we know of
6 disappeared never to be found
three sister seeds like Corn, Beans and Squash
were blown and scattered yet the
Resilience, the moving flow of birthing
who of Ma's Matter
weaving worlds within worlds
of heart stretched drumsongs
of women weaves eternal love
hidden and rising to blossom, fruit
and seed again
for love of land and life
sky and starlight
the rhythm and sway of
seasons cycles
has no boarders and imaginary lines
of where and what and who makes you
Mother's daughters of the
beauty that made us
>>>*<<<<
from birth to 11 yrs old
was raised in a village
born and made by our parents
who were from every nation
Red, Black White and Yellow
courageous fathers, the US government
called commie pinko faggot
momma's boys
and imprisoned them
Mamma's boyz they were
refusing to be fodder for wars
and lies and genocide
that has spread like a blanket worldwide
called the US Empire
their women resisted along side
and eventually freed all their men
while still raising their children
free and teaching Truth's Love and Peace
and refused and protected them
from vatican religion and indoctrination
this village made of
Red, Black White and Yellow
shared openly their teachings and spirituality
with all their children
this village a microcosm
of a great Council of Peace
each honoring and respecting the
roles, responsibilities and dedication
for a Hoop of Peaceful Nations
one daughter learned the meaning
for her… of the teaching given to all children
to travel from the 3rd world to the Fourth
there is only one language of Massau
and everyone can feel, knows and be this…
for we are made with Breath of Life's
language of the Heart
"Do not pledge allegiance to a flag
without knowing what it stands for.
Your allegiance is always with Mother Earth,
the Peoples and all her children."
is what daddy told his daughters
kiss the earth and dance with sky
we are related to All Life …
are what makes children fierce lovers
yeah there were the days
of protest and marches
with Cezar Chavez, King, AIM, Panthers, Nam war,
et. all.
Today i want Peace more than ever
this village was my water poured upon heart stone
coyote tales and playground
and first sweatlodge at 5yrs old
a secret then and before
the 1978 Native American
Freedom of Religion Act.
My mom now 90 yrs old returned with me
to great granpa's ancestral Comanche land…
which is really the treaty and reservation
that all of us Nations
that have lived and traded for generations
raided girls and sold them
to become the mothers of future generations
and resisted with Taos Pueblo
the Spanish inquisitions
Am i hear to heal past present and future?
or is this futures past remembering?
years later ...
<<<<< * >>>>>
at Black Mesa visiting Rick who was doctoring with a family,
I was sitting outside on the porch and a man came across the field
and up the steps.
He was repeating over and over
" do you see them, they are going to get me… i need to see Rick"
This man was haunted by spirits and could not remember.
I said " here come sit, i will stay with you while you wait" and offered him a smoke and patted the seat of the chair next to me while he waited till Rick and the family were finished.
After being with Rick for a short while, the man left still haunted.
I asked Rick, why the man was still the same, and couldn't the man be helped.
Rick said that medicine is received by the capacity and willingness of the person to receive it, and as for the man still being haunted was because he was still not ready to set right what he needed to, within himself … and therefore could not set right with others.
Or maybe after so many doctorings when someone does not get better, this means this is just how they are made this time around.
>>>>*<<<<
i had to "buy back" the land where i live
because after my great-grandmother's murder,
and the Comanche did not pass land matrilineally and
my great grandfather ran off and married a spanish woman leaving the 9 children to become tossed like seed by a storm of government dictation….
aren't these "run-on" sentences of ideologies that need endings?
When my son was 6yrs old, and with the little money i had we searched for a little land we could afford…my son picked this one…at the time i did not know it was part of great-granpa's treaty land track…
like a genetic marker calling me home.
"We need you to remember" is what Rick told me when i finally realized he was teaching me. Humility has never been my problem, lack of self worth was wot i learned whenever i lived in the world of separation's isms.
maybe am color blind
or maybe i see all colors
some told me when you mix them all together
it makes black
is the black stillness of night
where light is birthed
from the great cosmic womb
with the elements of creation?
"Don't mix medicine" and "If you don't know what you are doing,
don't mess with it, there's ancestors that caregive for these ways"
"these are gate keepers for your protection".
Are we the Magpie's, Wongali and Humminbirds we are looking for?
Professor Delia taught me all the grammatical english rules, and then told me to break every one of them. Language that is whole cup of tea and then some.
Thank you for listening.
Alis ~ Itlatol
A.M. 2014
